Rant of the Dietitian’s Husband

The Dietitian’s Husband shares his weight loss transformation and rants along the way.

My husband, Bob, occasionally delights me by offering to be my GUEST BLOGGER. He shares what it is like being married to a registered dietitian nutritionist. (There are many misperceptions!). His articles are my most popular.  Enjoy!

So, I was on one of my very infrequent forays into social media and my attention was captured by a guy doing some pretty impressive exercises. He did handstands, pushups and handsprings. He was a mass of lean muscle and tendons. Then I learned he was over 60 years old! He was a fitness instructor by trade.

Of course, he was selling something.

He claimed he discovered this magical potion that would help you build muscle and lose weight without working out.

Wait…what??? All this guy does is work out! His job is, literally, working out. The implication he is trying to sell you is that you can look like him if you drink his slop. No, you can’t. You can look like him if you train like a professional athlete, have decent genetics and follow a fairly strict diet. I bet he makes big bucks with his product.

I should have stopped there. Into my screen appeared a woman who promised that, with one “natural” pill, she could cure diabetes. Thank heaven for blood pressure medication and antacids!

My favorite magicians, Penn and Teller, have a particular hatred for people who claim to be “legitimate” psychics who talk to dead relatives. These charlatans exploit the emotional vulnerability of surviving relatives for profit. The woman with the “pill” is no better.

Still, I’m sure that people looking for a miracle or “quick fix” to their problem will send their hard earned money and put their hope in hype instead of medicine. Some of them will likely pay a steep price when the product fails and their diabetes causes complications.

Why am I so confident in these products success? Because there was a time I bought into all of this stuff.

But wait, you say, you’re the dietitian’s husband!

I am. However, we’ve only been together for the last 18 years, I’m over 65. I’ve had a lot of experience making bad decisions. My “diet and fitness” story is terribly common. I was raised in a household obsessed with food. My mother was a magnificent cook (and that was before we moved to an Italian neighborhood where everyone’s mother (or immigrant grandmother) made everything taste like food from the gods). I got chubby, got sensitive about it, started exercising like a fool, lost weight and kept it off until I got a high stress, sedentary job, then slowly started packing the pounds.

Fast forward a few years. One of my dearest friends had gained a ton of weight after quitting smoking. We went on a weight loss “quest” together. Here’s what we tried:

• We went “low-carb.”We lost weight.
• We went off “low-carb” (who knew you could get tired of steak?).
• We gained the weight back.
• We tried weight loss pills and lost a little weight. After two weeks our respective administrative assistants told us that if we didn’t stop taking the pills they were gone. (Apparently, they made us cranky).  We stopped and they stayed.
• We went on another diet. We lost weight again, but again couldn’t maintain it so it popped back again.
• We tried the low-carb thing with the supplement products. (“This bar tastes just like a candy bar but it takes the place of a meal and you are fully satisfied.” No. It tastes like sawdust and makes you yearn for Snickers).
• I tried to exercise my way to weight loss. It didn’t work.

My desire for weight loss simply was not enough to overcome my love of food.

Then I met and married my wife. Oh, you think this is the punch line? Not quite. Marcia made it quite clear that I was her husband, not her client. I would eat what I wanted and as much as I wanted. She was not the food police. She also was (is) a wonderful cook.

So what happened after I met her? I gained weight.

I rocked along fat and mostly happy until I went on simple hike in Virginia. My wife, seven-year-old daughter, and my father-in-law handled it easily. I, however, did not. Halfway through the hike I was sure I was going to die (at least it was a nice view). I finally realized that my health was more important than Twinkies.

 

Still, I had a dilemma, the rules were clear. I was Marcia’s husband, not her client. What to do? I couldn’t ask her how she helped her current clients, that was confidential and off limits. (As an editorial aside, it’s always interesting when a friend or acquaintance comes up to me and tells me “your wife has helped me so much!” After I thank them for their kind words I have to explain to them that I didn’t know that they had been working with her). Anyway, I got a little sneaky (not very, just a little).

I started asking my dietitian wife “hypothetical” questions. What would you tell a client if he had this issue? How would you tell a client how to control cravings? Are there any foods you tell your clients they can’t eat? My wife is not an idiot. She figured out quickly that these “hypothetical” clients seemed to have a lot of the same issues her husband did. Still, she played along. Slowly, following her guidelines, I started losing weight.

So, now it was smooth sailing right? After all, I had a wonderful, supportive wife who was a great cook and was a dietitian. She agreed to give me advice if I had a question (and I always have questions). Surely this was the happy ending. Nope. (Really, you didn’t think I’d lead with the big finish did you?). Alas, my journey has been a rocky one.

So, I started out making some easy changes (some I mentioned in previous articles). I lost a little weight. Then I got stuck. Soon after I got a little discouraged. Then I binged a little bit, usually snacking on the magnificent, but highly caloric wonders my co-workers would set in the break-room to share. Then I felt guilty.

You see, I was trying to follow my wife’s advice, but really, I wasn’t. I was “dieting.” I was denying myself what I liked and then, when temptation became too much, I ate until I was sated (and usually a little sick).

That changed when I actually told my wife “I cheated today; I ate two doughnuts.”

My wife jumped on me like “white on rice.” “You did not cheat,” my wife told me. “You ate a highly caloric food without much nutritional value.” “Did you enjoy it?” she asked. “I really liked the first one, but the second one made me a little queasy,” I volunteered. “So,” she opined, “you should have started with a little bit, enjoyed every bite, and waited for a little bit to see if you really wanted more. Go until you’re satisfied, but not more, and don’t feel guilty.”

My wife’s mantra is (at least for me) is “no bad food.” There are healthy foods, and less healthy foods, but no “bad foods.” There is no moral value assigned to food, thus, you cannot “cheat.”

The key for me was learning how to make better choices and not beat myself up when I made less healthy choices.

To make a long story short, I made enough small changes in my life and dietary habits to make some big changes. I went up and down in weight like a crooked ladder. Two years later I had lost over 35 pounds and met my goal weight. Here’s the best part.

I have kept it off for the better part of a decade and have given up nothing.

I can eat a Thanksgiving meal with my family and not say, “Oh, I can’t eat that.” I can go to a restaurant with friends and not worry that the menu may not have a choice for me. On occasion, I will still over-eat. Now, though, I will enjoy every bite when I do. It’s not cheating, it’s not failure.

It’s making choices and understanding consequences.

But this is a rant.

One of my lifestyle changes was to subscribe to a particular exercise “app.” I love it. I love almost everything about it. I like the workouts, I like the philosophy, I like the followers that have their own Facebook group, and I like the instructors. People have had wonderful results following the advice given in the program, to include spectacular weight loss. It is an important and regular part of my life. There is even a big component on giving dietary advice. That’s where things go a little sideways.

I will digress for just a minute. My wife is all about science. She believes in peer reviewed research and objective analysis. I was so proud of her recently when she discovered an article she had posted some time ago (she was not the author) had a misstatement. Another dietitian caught it, mentioned it in a post, and Marcia took it down. (The assertion was “95% of diets don’t work.”It is, of course, a cliché’ and made-up statistic not backed by true scientific research). Anyway, since Marcia stays up on the “real deal” I have a great resource to check all of the assertions concerning “food fear” and “fad” diets.

So, let’s get back to my wonderful fitness program. The nutrition advice starts off pretty sound. Fresh fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, whole grains, and no added sugar.

What’s disturbing is the advice goes further and quotes from a few popular “documentaries” on food. These particular documentaries push a particular political agenda and are not based on sound science.

(Okay, I am relying on my wife here). For example, gluten is demonized. According to my wife, if you have sensitivity to gluten, non-gluten substitutes are wonderful. However, for most, products containing gluten provide essential fiber and carbohydrate. (Yes, carbohydrate is essential…read more of my wife’s columns).

One of these documentaries referred to dairy products as “cow puss.” Like gluten, if you are sensitive to dairy, there are good substitutes. However, for most, dairy is a great way to get protein and calcium without a big caloric hit. No, “almond milk” and “oat milk” and all the other “milks” based on grains and seeds are not “better for you” than cow milk. Most have less protein and more added sugar. (I do use “Soy milk” on my cereal, but that is because I prefer the flavor, not because it is a healthier choice).

Another documentary demonizes all non-organic food. “Organic” may be fine for folks who can pay the extra money, but for folks on a budget it’s important to know that the overwhelming evidence is the “non-organic” food supply is safe and nutritious. What makes demonizing food so troublesome is that for some, not eating products containing gluten or dairy could lead to vitamin and mineral deficiencies and further health problems. People who can’t afford “organic foods” may feel they’ve failed their family by serving “less healthy” food. I understand people are passionate about their beliefs. My daughter maintains a vegan diet because she does not approve of the exploitation of animals. She does not assert that anything other than a vegan diet is unhealthy.

So here’s the bottom line. The one big thing I have learned from my wife is that nutrition and weight loss are complicated. Further, like all of science, our understanding continues to evolve and assumptions we held a decade ago may not hold true today, or tomorrow. Further, it is individualized.

The same two people, identical in height, weight, age and sex may eat the same thing and exercise the same way and still have completely different results. And yet, almost nobody consults a dietitian on weight loss. They’d rather buy a pill or an online program or a gimmick than consult an expert. It drives me crazy.

Weight loss is not easy. It requires commitment. I have been lucky enough to have a dietitian in my corner. My success is real and almost entirely due to following her advice. Oh, and just in case you’re wondering, no, I am not objective here. I am entirely prejudiced in favor of dietitians in general and my wife in particular. I just happen also to be right.

 

Bob modified his calories, increased his physical activity, and became aware of his faulty thinking (and changed it). He is a great example of how healthy habits consistently over time can eventually lead to your best weight.  

This is possible for you too! Download my Free Guide 7 Steps to Lose Weight Without Dieting to begin making healthy changes in a way that considers your own body, preferences and lifestyle rather than diet rules or quick fixes.