This is part six of my Kidney Donor story, you can follow my entire journey here.
The week after my kidney donor surgery was one of the best weeks of my life, believe it or not. I had no idea what I was in store for having a major surgery. Bob and I were in uncharted territory with him being my caregiver (and me needing one).
What would it be like to have such an impact on someone’s life? Who would get my kidney and would I find out? What would he or she be like?
I learned immediately after surgery that my kidney went to a delightful young woman named Shmeala. More on her later.
My recovery was a piece of cake. I had one 24 hour period where I felt miserable between Day 3 and 4 after the operation. (Bob would disagree with this a bit, but this is my memory of that time). My intestines were still “asleep” and I felt full and nauseated. Other than this brief period of time, I had no pain and felt pretty good.
I was off oxycodone after 3 days, Tylenol after 6. I was walking several times a day and walked over a mile on Day 5. I progressed gradually to 4 miles a day in the third week. I could eat and do everything but lift, push or pull (to avoid a hernia).
Being fit and active my whole life really made a difference. We came back home one week after surgery.
Before coming home, we visited Liz and her mom. It was great to see her with her new kidney. Recipients stay in the Jacksonville area for a month to get frequent tests and checkups. She was doing well. She was the reason I started this process.
To see Liz smile and know she no longer had to endure dialysis daily was better than any Christmas present.
I have to admit, I really liked that my only job was to recover from surgery! I could relax and I had my own personal butler, cook and chauffeur (Bob). This was great for the first three weeks but as I felt better it got harder to lay around as I knew I had so much to do. Plus, my “man servant” went back to work.
Fortunately I have some great friends who provided us with dinners during this period so Bob didn’t have to cook much. He was much relieved and very grateful.
I’ve learned that “it is in giving that we receive”. I was astounded by the gifts that came to me immediately following my surgery.
- The Gabriel House of Care: This is a place on the Mayo Clinic campus for transplant and cancer treatment patients that was built by a grateful man who received new lungs when his “angel”, who he named Gabriel gave him a second chance at life. To give back he provided funding for The Gabriel House, a perfect place for healing and hope. The transplant team wanted us to stay in the area for several days after surgery. We really wanted to stay there because the thought of staying at a hotel for two weeks was not our idea of a good time. In addition, the cost of hotels in Jacksonville in March is pretty steep. It would have taken a pretty healthy chunk out of our bank account. In contrast, the Gabriel House is $50.00 for the first night and $35.00 thereafter. There is always a waiting list. We felt very fortunate to get a room. The Gabriel House is not a hotel, and that is what makes it special. Each room is big and beautiful with 2 beds and private bath. However, there is no television and no food or drink other than water in allowed in the room. Everyone is responsible for their own meals and is provided a section of a refrigerator and freezer and a pantry cabinet. The large kitchen is fully furnished with 4 separate stations containing everything you need. The house also has several living areas with TVs, puzzles, games, and books. Each patient must have a caregiver. No patient can be left alone for more than a short time.
This arrangement is designed to get everyone out of their room. Even the day I arrived (one day after surgery), I was in the dining room because I needed to eat and drink. Everyone there is either a cancer or transplant patient or their caregiver. Everyone is experiencing monumental and sometimes catastrophic events in their lives. Yet most everyone expressed a genuine interest in each other.
It didn’t matter that I didn’t feel that good. Everyone understood. We met amazing people and formed true friendships that will last longer than the week we were there. In addition to the connections we made, there were classes in meditation, yoga, tai chi, and beading.
Most important, the Gabriel House is a place of hope. Within an hour of arriving, we met a mother and grandmother making dinner. They were excited to learn why we were there. Their 24 year old son/grandson was getting evaluated for a kidney transplant.
A gymnast, diagnosed with kidney disease at 17, he has been on dialysis for 4 years. While in college, he was on dialysis at night, while others were living the normal college life. He is now a gymnastics coach and couldn’t wait to get back to work. He doesn’t have a living donor despite efforts to get one.
I can’t imagine how these sweet women feel who know they will lose this dynamic and precious young man if he does not get a kidney transplant. Unfortunately, these women can’t donate their kidneys due to medical issues that would make it unsafe. To hear I was there to donate for someone in my community gave them hope. I am the first donor he has ever met. He is now approved for a transplant and needs to raise money for lifelong anti-rejection meds.
You can make a donation here. Hopefully someone will step up so he can get a living donor kidney.
I’ve never been very popular, but when you donate your kidney and stay in a place for transplant patients, you get a lot of attention. I was so grateful for the Gabriel House I agreed to be videotaped 5 days after surgery to tell my story. I knew I’d be emotional.
- Meeting Shmeala and her caregiver (her cousin Pam) was the highlight of the week. We emailed each other and learned we were both staying at Gabriel House. She got out of the hospital three days after surgery. I scoped her out on Facebook and knew what she looked like. In the dining room that night a Broadway singer and pianist were practicing for a gala event. The song was “Circle of Life” from Lion King. The beauty of it brought me to tears. The lyrics had a whole new meaning for me that day.
While the music was playing Shmeala and Pam entered the dining area. I knew exactly who she was but I couldn’t speak. We hugged and cried and she thanked me again. We sat and talked and phones were passed to me. Her mom and “Aunt Sue” wanted to thank me too. The tears of joy and gratitude that night still makes me cry.
That night I realized that God had made me feel so sure about donating so that I could share love with this beautiful family.
Shmeala’s husband Roger was at home working and taking care of their 10 year old son Ryan. Ryan doesn’t remember his mom not on dialysis. Helping her with this awful burden was part of his daily routine. To know that both he and Shmeala would no longer be faced with this made my heart sing.
We ate many meals together and watched “March Madness” (college basketball) at night with Pam. Bob was the only one with his eye on the TV. Pam and I talked for hours and I learned about their big family. We will meet them one day soon, and I know we’ll be friends with Shmeala and Pam forever.
- Bob – my partner and rock-shared it all with me and realized what a special time it was. I could talk to him anytime 24/7 because he was right there by my side. He made me a medication chart to keep things straight for the first 2 days when I took pain medicine around the clock. He took care of everything I needed with never a complaint. He genuinely seemed happy to do it. There is no doubt he loves me and is proud of me. I am so grateful to have the perfect partner.
- Friends and Family – My eyes were really opened to all the love that I have here in my local community. Before this I had in my head that my close friends were limited to my old friends in Virginia where I lived for 36 years. I now know I have close friends all around me. I might not see them often but they came out in force bringing meals and checking on me and wanting to hear my story. I am so grateful and blessed to have these folks in my life. My old friends and family were wonderful during this time as well…but I knew they would be.
- God and my growth – Don’t think for a minute that I put this list together by order of importance. It was just a way for me to organize it in my mind. God used me for a miracle and I was paying attention and did my part. It was a win-win for everyone involved. It brought deep joy. I found another way to give of myself and make this world a better place. My normally shy self is putting myself in the spotlight to share this wonderful story in order for others to have life and joy. Going outside my comfort zone and growing myself has increased my confidence. I am becoming more of who I really am. Thank you God.
I know what I did is not for everyone. I did not do it for recognition, and I do not write this for attention. I claim no moral superiority. I would prefer to be mostly anonymous. However, this experience exposed me to the massive need for kidney and other organ donors.
Julie Cunningham says
What an inspiring story! I didn’t know this about you, Marcia!
Marcia Pell says
There’s always so much to learn about people. I’m really putting myself out there more than ever before because I want to share what is possible. I know you do the same. Thanks for replying!
Katrina McDonald says
Marcia, I was just reading Dave Burris’s story and followed the link to yours. It’s such a small world! I was just approved last week to donate my kidney to a lady that I saw on the local news last summer! She is refreshing some of her tests, and we’re waiting to get the date from UAB! Love hearing about your experience!
Marcia Pell says
That is so awesome! Saving a life feels so good! I wish you all the best and hope you both do great. Thanks for letting me know and keep sharing your story so more can share their spare.