I’ve learned a lot about giving and getting support with diabetes-some the hard way!
February is the month I celebrate my passion for supporting people with diabetes. On Valentine’s Day 2014, I decided to start my own business and I vividly remember the loving support I got from my husband, Bob, when I told him. I am also reminded of James, my first husband, who started my journey with diabetes.
When I fell in love with James more than 20 years ago, his diabetes was a topic we rarely discussed. He had been diagnosed 10 years prior, took insulin, and I figured he knew what he was doing. I was a RDN working with pregnant women and kids and didn’t know a lot about diabetes. I found out later, he knew very little about it, even though he tried by going to the library and reading about it. He was uninsured and couldn’t afford much health care.
Eventually, the complications began to set in. He burned his feet badly on the hot sand at the beach in NC when he forgot to wear shoes. I had to learn to do burn dressing changes three times a day to save his feet. It worked! More complications set in-blindness, dialysis-and I got more and more involved.
I really loved him and took on the role of trying to keep him alive. I was so afraid of what would happen next that I tried to control everything related to his diabetes. I painfully learned this does not work.
He had to be responsible for his diabetes and I could only support him.
Our relationship improved when I gave up trying to do his part and I have many good memories of our short life together.
I don’t want anyone to have to go through what we did with all those stressful complications and fear.
Here are my lessons learned:
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Controlling diabetes greatly reduces the risk of complications. In fact, controlled diabetes is the leading cause of……………..nothing. So the effort it takes to control diabetes IS WORTH IT!
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People with diabetes who have support do much better than those who do not. It is hard work to live with diabetes every single day and it is comforting to have someone by your side.
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Diabetes affects everyone in a relationship. I had no idea until I lived it. Try your best to work well as a team.
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The best way to support each other is as unique as each individual. Communicate with each other. Ask specifically for what you need or want from your loved one. Others can’t read your mind but most likely want to help. They may think they are helping but it feels like nagging (or something else not helpful) to you.
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If you are the loved one affected by someone’s diabetes, ask how you can help. Speak up about your feelings too.
Here’s my favorite book on the topic of communicating about diabetes. The Secrets of Living and Loving with Diabetes. At the end of each chapter there’s a short section about what each “side” wants the other person to know. It’s so helpful to “hear” the other side. One chapter is called “the Diabetes Police and the Diabetes Criminal.” Can you relate?
Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.— Steve Maraboli
If you want support, like my page on Facebook where I post “support” or contact me to discuss how I can help.
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